Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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