Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
