I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
