can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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