Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
