Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
