How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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