i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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