you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
