like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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