Four minutes until I can fart!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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