Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
