when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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