dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
