just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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