my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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