I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
