I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
