Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i now understand why vodka
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
