She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
