Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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