either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
