Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
