this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
