dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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