I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
