nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
