The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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