Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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