It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
