I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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