Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
