Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
