Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
