she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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