i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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