Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
