i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
