i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
