You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
