And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
