I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
