I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
