dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Floor bacon is actually really good
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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