I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
