One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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