The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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