I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
