I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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