dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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