woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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