Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
pray to the hookup gods
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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