New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
