Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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