Sponge bath it is.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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