I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
