Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
