Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Found the puke drawer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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