You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
