im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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