Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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