Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
