it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Randomize
