I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
