i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
