hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cut my penus on the lid.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Randomize
