Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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