My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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