Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
