I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
